Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
