Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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