Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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