he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
so much tequila, so little girl.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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