Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
