I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My cat gives me a boner
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
