you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
