His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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