I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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