hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
