Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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