Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
