I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
