my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
