hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
