Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
