I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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