see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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