he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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