if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
