hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
