All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
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I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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