she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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