Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
