I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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