If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
