it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Acid is not a monday night drug
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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