I must be too annoying 4 u.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
