So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
