bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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