I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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