Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My pussy is not your playground.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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