That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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