Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
