Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
