we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
