is your mom at the bar?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
