Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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