true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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