Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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