Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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