addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
