Heybabeimwearingurpanties
even my farts smell like vagina
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
