I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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