He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
