"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
