one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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