u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
