4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
