Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
