After last night, I could never be a politician.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
