I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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