It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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