i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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