it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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