What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
