Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
cat food counts as protein by the way
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dicks are not precious.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
