The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
