thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
