So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
