You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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