we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
