So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
sarcasm needs its own font
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
