so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
