chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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