you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
