my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
