wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
