i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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