You can't special order awesome
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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