You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
