I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
