I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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