I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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