Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
