Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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