forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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