i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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