Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
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Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
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What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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