i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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