Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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